


Can't Pretend

by gembems



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Post-Season/Series 04, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-03-09 19:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gembems/pseuds/gembems
Summary: A long and sad year has passed on Earth, with the Devil still in most everyone's thoughts... meanwhile, Lucifer may or may not be losing his mind... Or, is Hell actually breaking?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never know where I'm going with these things. Still working on another fic, too! But I needed to write out something post-Season 4. Hoping we get a confirmation for Season 5 soon! :)

He noticed the fissure in the throne long before he ever knew what it really meant. 

A long, jagged split in the rocky surface of the infernal chair. Lucifer cocked his eyebrow at it, quite sure he would’ve noticed something as atrocious as _that_ before now.

He resolutely decided to chalk it up to his spotty mental state since his return to Hell - one year ago, in Earth’s time. But much more for him.

It was embarrassing, really, but no surprise all the same. The Detective’s… no, _Chloe’s_ \- he corrected himself, reminding an admission of love likely guarantees the use of someone’s first name - influence on him had been a very noticeable alteration in the way he would usually run the depressing kingdom, versus his current ruling state. 

And like the chair, he was starting to crack.

No longer did he even get the slightest pleasure of ordering and overseeing the torturing of human souls. Before, it wasn’t exactly pleasant, but he’d forced himself into believing he was at least punishing the guilty. _Bringing justice_.

But now, knowing how those like Charlotte could end up at his not-so-metaphorical doorstep, the torture was just that. Torture. To him.

He saw Dan, Linda, Charlotte, Ella and even Chloe in the faces of the confused and pained souls that made up the citizens of the ‘underworld’. Or, at least imagined their faces. He knew that the latter four would never end up in his domain. The first, he was curious if, and more likely _when_ , they might meet again. And this time the Douche would be forced to believe he was a man - or Devil, rather - of his word. Not quite a nutjob.

Well not yet, anyways.

He was starting to wonder if this was really dear old _Dad’s_ plan in putting Chloe on earth. A long game of planned sublime punishment to orchestrate a way to flush out the very denial and self-serving avoidance of emotion that had kept him sane in the depths he previously governed.

This was Hell. No, really. He wasn’t just the Lord of Hell.

He was a citizen too, now.

\---

Chloe brushed Trixie’s hair, pulling it up into a high ponytail. It was getting so long these days.

“Are you still wanting to grow out your hair, Monkey?” She mumbled, with a couple of bobby pins between her lips. “Cause I can take you after school today to get it cut if you want? I have the afternoon off of work.”

Trixie looked up and met her mom’s gaze in the mirror. “No, that’s okay. I want to wait a little longer.”

Chloe’s heart fell just a little bit, but she took a deep breath and steeled herself.

“Look, I know you wanted to wait until… until Lucifer.. could come back… But, honey, I’m sorry... I don’t-”

Trixie ripped away right as Chloe was pulling the hair through the last loop of the ponytail.

“He _will_ come back. Stop saying he won't." Her face was scrunched up in a special kind of denial that Chloe could internally empathize with. But now was not the time to crumble.

“Baby, he’s been gone for a year, and I think that means he’s decided he can’t. He had to leave to… to do something that his dad is making him do, remember?” Chloe’s eyes were watering.

It had been almost a year, exactly, since his departure. She still felt it every day.

“Well I _hate_ his dad!” Trixie yelled, storming into her room. “Lucifer promised he’d braid my hair like Elsa when it was long enough. And I’m waiting until he’s coming back.”

Chloe followed her furious daughter into her bedroom. She knew it wasn’t just about Elsa. Trixie barely even watched _Frozen_ anymore.

She noticed as Trixie began rifling through her school backpack.

“Trixie, what are you doing?” Chloe was trying very hard to keep a lid on the rising emotions. 

Her daughter pulled out a worksheet from one of her class folders. It was the blue folder, so, English class then.

“I’m writing his dad a letter. We just learned how to in class.” Her daughter answered mechanically, as she also looked for a pencil in her backpack.

Chloe shook her head silently, a few tears watering up her ducts and down her cheeks. How do you tell your daughter that she’s saying she hates _God_? And that letters aren’t really able to be addressed… to Heaven.

“Wait.” Trixie said, stopping as she scrawled the first mark on a notebook paper inside the blue folder. “Is Lucifer’s dad God?”

Chloe’s eyes marginally widened. “Um, yeah, he did used to say that didn’t he?” She wiped the tears from her cheeks before Trixie could spot them.

Trixie nodded quietly before resolutely looking back up with a smile.

“Well, okay. I guess I’ll just yell at him in my head then. Then he’ll hear me.”

Chloe was really hoping the grief wasn’t driving her daughter crazy, like it was to her.

“What do you mean, Monkey?”

“Praying! I hear all the time that parents make kids pray, because God can hear them.” Trixie smiled. She grabbed her backpack and zipped it up, making sure the folder was back inside. “Okay, you can take me to school.”

Maybe it was Chloe’s turn to pray, that they made it all out of this in one piece.

\---

Amenadiel smiled warmly at one of the many blessed sights he’d been granted since the birth of his son. 

Charlie had learned to fully walk, and despite Linda’s trepidation at this sudden development, he was ecstatic. Walking meant that his son was that much closer to getting his wings and flying.

“Linda! Come look, he’s walking to the kitchen now!” Amenadiel called gleefully from his place on the floor near the couch. 

“I’m sure he is!” Linda answered from behind the closed bathroom door, “But I’m about to take a shower, so you’ll just have to fill me in!” 

Amenadiel pulled out his phone to take a video but as he pressed record, a message popped up.

**STORAGE FULL**

“That’s odd.” Amenadiel mumbled to himself. “I was sure that they told me it was almost impossible to fill up the 64 gigabyte version.”

Maybe somehow Linda’s account had synched with his? Yes, he imagined, that was probably it.

He would have to take it in today to see if they could fix it at the store. But what if they made him delete all the files he had on it already?

Amenadiel’s heart seized up. No! That would mean removing countless images and progress that Charlie had made over the last year!

He took some time to open up his gallery and scroll through to the very first photo, reminiscing.

It was taking quite a while to get there, actually. Weird.

He began to wonder if maybe he’d been overdoing it, when he looked up to see Charlie walking towards him, voicing repeatedly his new favorite word - “dada”. 

“Yes, that’s right, Charlie. I’m your dada.” He smiled and held his arms out for his son. 

He recalled how excited they’d all been when he first spoke two weeks ago. He’d even went and showed Charlie around the precinct. 

\---

_“Oh my gosh, he’s getting so big!” Ella squealed, grabbing for Charlie. Amenadiel smiled as she looked in adoration at him._

_“You should hear him lately, too. He’s started talking.”_

_“Someone’s a proud dad, huh.” Dan smiled as he and Chloe walked into Ella’s lab, joining the other two._

_“Yeah, I guess I can’t help it lately.” Amenadiel shrugged back, “I just can’t get enough of him. Now that he’s starting to talk and maybe even fl-”_

_Amenadiel stopped his sentence for a moment as Chloe made eyes to cut the celestial talk - before it started._

_“I mean, fart, yeah.” He finished awkwardly._

_Dan barked out a laugh. “You’re telling me Charlie doesn’t fart? Wow you got lucky. We must’ve been feeding Trixie something really wrong at that age then.”_

_Chloe smiled and coughed. “SO true.”_

_Ella laughed and handed Charlie back to his dad as he started to squirm. “Well I think I’m the only non-parent here but if I have any advice for you, it’d be to be careful what you say. They repeat. My little cousin, did for sure anyways.”_

_Dan pointed in agreement at Ella. “Yes. It’s terrifying. I had a great time getting Trixie to stop saying the ‘f’ word all because I yelled it out in traffic one time. ONE time is literally all it took.”_

_Chloe rolled her eyes. “Yes, it did. And we’re both fortunate that time thankfully helped her lose interest in saying it.”_

_Ella laughed along with Amenadiel._

_“Well, at least uncle Luci is still back with the main family so he can’t corrupt little Charlie just yet. We all know what kind of words he’d be teaching him now, huh.” Ella giggled._

_The room’s silence changed her laugh to an uncomfortable row of apologies._

_“Oh, hey sorry. I know we all still miss him a lot.” Ella grimaced at Dan’s pained expression, Amenadiel’s sad eyes and the side of Chloe’s head who wouldn’t meet anyone’s gaze anymore._

_“But don’t you think, you know, he deserves to be missed?” She ventured._

_The group turned back to her in a sad sort of rapture._

_“I mean, from what you and Amenadiel said, it sounds like the guy really wants to be here, but his dad won’t let him. I know it’s sad, and it sucks, but by not even talking about him isn’t that kind of wrong? I mean, it’s not like he wanted to leave.”_

_The room was quiet._

_Ella sighed. “Well, I’m sorry. It’s not like any of you will give me an address or number to reach him at, so how am I supposed to let the guy know I miss him?”_

_Amenadiel put Charlie in one hand and his other on Ella’s shoulder._

_“We miss him too.”_

_Ella shrugged, looking down. “Okay, well can you tell him for me or something? Since I can’t?”_

_Amenadiel was quiet for a moment. He hadn’t spoken to his brother since the day that they saved Charlie. He hadn’t even visited. And he knew it was wrong, but at the same time, maybe it was easier for them all if he didn’t._

_It was naive to imagine everything was finally okay though, and selfish of him to pretend Lucifer wasn’t suffering, or that their friends wouldn’t miss him, that… Chloe wouldn’t miss him as much as she did._

_He peered over at her glassy eyes, full of a deep emotion, just at the mention of his brother’s name. Maybe even just for her sake, he should go._

_“Yeah, no, you’re right Ella. I’ll go see him, and let him know.”_

_Chloe’s gaze shot up in a stunned expression, Dan remained immobile, Ella smiled, and Charlie voiced a happy “dada” to him once again._

\----

Amenadiel still hadn’t visited Lucifer. He didn’t know why. He held some guilt over it, though... because he had become so complacent to how things are right now. Without Lucifer.

Finally, his life was looking up since the first time he came to Earth. And Lucifer wasn't here. Was it a coincidence? He wasn’t completely sure.

His phone buzzed with a message and he looked down to see Chloe’s name in his receiving folder.

Chloe: _Hey, can I come by later today?_

This was.. Unusual. Normally Chloe would text Linda.

He responded back, nonetheless.

Amenadiel: _Yes, I’ll be here but Linda’s at work until 6_.

It was just a few seconds before he got her response.

Chloe: _I’m actually coming over to talk to you_.

Amenadiel thought back to the last couple of weeks when Chloe gaped at him for suggesting he would go see Lucifer. He had a bad feeling that Chloe was holding out some sort of hope. 

And he really didn’t want to be the one to tell her that it was still futile.

“Shit.” He breathed out.

Charlie turned towards him, smiling. “it!”

Amenadiel promptly face-palmed. Linda was going to love this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your kind words at the beginning! I'm so excited to see where this goes as well. Haha.
> 
> I know it can get a little angsty but it has to be just a little sad before it gets better. Trust me, I'm tired of the angst too. We'll get there!

She knew she needed to stop, she really did.

Because the absence of his name hurt, and the mention of it did, too. She just didn’t want to hope anymore.

But her daughter waiting for him, her hair a literal testament to the many months it had been…

Amenadiel and Charlie always around, leaving her to remember: _That’s his brother_. _That’s his nephew._

And then of course there was her weekly therapy with Linda. Where, most of the time, the subject of discussion was _him_. But why would it be anything else.

She would’ve chosen a different therapist; someone who wasn’t her close friend and also the previous doctor to him, who she was so desperately missing. But that would have to mean that any other therapist would able to take her seriously over her plight of falling in love and losing _the actual Devil_.

In fact, she had tried. Really.

But after three unsuccessful appointments, Chloe found herself amazed that Lucifer had managed to have any successful progress with Linda at any point before he’d showed her the truth. 

And she’d also felt a little sympathetic in the way that everyone thought he was insane.

Though, knowing him, he probably liked it that way.

And there was still a lot missing. A lot of cracks between the muffled answers that Amenadiel and Linda would give her to explain past events and actions.

_Why did he run away after she was poisoned?_

_What about her made him vulnerable?_

_How much had he done... for her?_

The answers she got were limited and too vague to promise any sort of understanding. And she knew why. They believed that Lucifer should be the one to tell her.

Which must mean they believed that he might be back someday.

Meaning, she did too. Or at least, she wanted to. So, so badly.

After a few knocks, Amenadiel opened the door, baby Charlie nestled in the crook of one arm.

“Ah-Chloe! Welcome, come on in, please.” Amenadiel blurted hastily towards her. 

Chloe made her way to the couch, moving one of Charlie’s toys to sit down. “Hey Amenadiel, thanks for letting me stop by. I wanted to talk to you about something.. Well, something better to talk about in person. Hope it’s not a bad time?”

Amenadiel walked over to her in hurry, picking up some other toys on the couch with his other hand. Charlie smiled at her. She smiled back. 

“Sorry Chloe,” Amenadiel added hurrily, ignoring her previous comment, “Could you just wait one moment while I put down Charlie for his nap?” Amenadiel smiled a little too widely waiting for her rebuttal. 

She raised an eyebrow in response. She thought Charlie usually napped at 3 PM. It was a couple hours early. 

“Uh, yeah, sure. No problem.” She reassured, doing her best to relax into the couch, proving she was happy to wait.

Amenadiel nodded in thanks and carted his son towards the bedroom.

\----

At first, she assumed that Charlie must be getting used to a new schedule. She gets it. It’s not easy getting a kid to adjust.

But then, after about 40 minutes and complete silence in the house, she wondered if there was maybe something else going on.

She tiptoed towards Charlie’s bedroom and opened the door slowly, peeking into dark, sun-filtered room. She saw an expected sight - Charlie sleeping soundly in his bed. Then, a not-so-common one. Amenadiel on his phone, sitting in the corner of the room on the rocking chair.

She quietly cleared her throat to get his attention. 

Amenadiel looked up in surprise, trying to hide his phone, but the damage was done. Chloe gave him a confused look. He sighed, and walked towards the door, shutting them both out.

“Why are you hiding from me, Amenadiel?” Chloe whispered exasperatedly.

“It’s complicated!” Amendiel whisper-yelled back.

Chloe rolled her eyes and grabbed the angel’s elbow, pulling him into the living room and away from the sleeping baby’s door. When they reached the couch, Chloe pointed for him to sit. 

He was starting to see why she had been able to tame the Devil. He complied.

“Look, I’m sorry Chloe..” He started, “I just.. Had a feeling you were going to ask me some difficult questions.”

Chloe gazed at him blankly for a moment, before deciding to sit down next to him.

“Why did you think that? And what were you going to do? Just hide out until, what? I got bored and left?”

He shrugged guiltily. “Perhaps? Or maybe just wanted to prolong it a little bit more.”

“Prolong what?”

“You.. if you were going to ask me to bring him back.” Amenadiel said sadly. “I didn’t want to… to tell you..”

Her shoulders hunched as her neck bent down. She ruffled her hair, and wrapped her hands around her head, looking at the ground in silence. 

“Chloe?”

She hummed. “Yeah. I’m here.”

“So, was I right?”

She sighed and sat back up, gazing back at him. She was doing her best to compose herself.

“No... I mean, not really? Maybe?” She groaned at her own confusion and hesitation, flopping against the back of the couch as she sat back frustratedly. A few beats of silence passed.

Lucifer’s angel brother was patiently waiting. 

“I just, wanted to know… if you were going to see him anytime soon.” She answered finally. She looked over to see gauge his reaction.

He seemed pensive, and guilty. 

“Yeah, I think so.”

“How soon?”

“I don’t know, Chloe.”

“Could you go today?”

Amenadiel looked back at her in surprise. “What? Why today?”

Chloe frowned, displeased at his answer. “What do you mean? Why _not_ today? He’s been there a year, Amenadiel. Without even _Maze_. And _you_ , the only one who has the ability to see him, hasn’t. How long has it even been for him? You and Linda told me that time runs much slower there!”

Her face was turning red. She was trying not to blame Amenadiel, trying not to be mad at him. But she couldn’t comprehend why he hadn’t visited Lucifer yet. After all, he didn’t only leave to protect her. He left to protect Charlie too.

Amenadiel was quiet. Chloe started to worry she’d maybe gone too far.

“Look, Amenadiel, I’m sorry. Sometimes I get so blindsided about-”

The angel held his hand up, cutting her off.

“No, Chloe, you’re right. I should’ve seen him much sooner than this.. I don’t know for sure how long it’s been for him, but yes, it has been at least double the time as here… I should’ve seen him. I just- I … things had become so peaceful, and good for me.. and I didn’t want.. I..” Amenadiel seemed at a loss for words.

Or simply knew the words, but he knew they shouldn’t be spoken.

She understood now. That Amenadiel was using that ridiculous excuse of blaming the Devil on the bad in his life. Somehow thinking that his life was becoming better now that Lucifer was gone. And he knew he was wrong. He couldn’t even say it, because he knew. And she was pushing down her anger at the idea. 

His own brother knew him less than she did.

“Hey.” His voice broke her out of her downspiraling realization. “Chloe… I’m glad Lucifer has you in his corner, watching out for him.”

She laughed curtly. “Please don’t say that.” 

“What do you mean?”

“Because I-” She took a deep breath. This was a huge part of her therapy, and she’d gotten used to saying it. It was a big part of what she’d been dealing with since the beginning. “Because I was the one.. Who brought Father Kinley here. I am the one.. Who started this whole thing.”

She didn’t have tears to shed at this statement. The truth. She only felt cold inside. _Disgust_.

“Chloe don’t.” The angel reached out for her arm, but she shook her head. A silent wish for him to not even bother.

“Don’t what.” She bit back frostily. 

“Don’t feel guilt over that.” 

“How could I _not_?” 

“I’ll go see him okay? I’ll tell him you’re sorry if you want, that you miss him. But don’t feel guilty.”

She let a few moments run quiet between them. She knew that guilt is what sent people to Hell. But, was it bad that she didn’t even mind recently? She supposed that they could be together at that point.. In some sort of depressing way. Somedays thinking about it seemed insane, and others, not so much anymore.

But now was not the time to be losing her mind. Not yet.

“Fine, I’ll.. try. But, you’ll really go see him?” She didn’t want to meet Amenadiel’s gaze. She was embarrassed about how hopeful.. No, _desperate_ , she sounded. 

He placed his hand on her shoulder. This time she let him.

“As soon as Linda gets home, I’ll go see Lucifer.”

\---

The crack looked different today.

Or was it the same?

It looked stranger, at the very least. 

“Oh bloody Hell.” He grumbled to himself at his meaningless musings. Why did it even matter.

He sat down on the throne, surveying from above. 

Nothing to do these days, now that he was abstaining from involvement. At first he had been busy. He had done well to bring punishment to all the demons involved in his nephew-napping, _especially_ Dromos, and they would never commit such a crime again. No, they would not.

And he was proud of that authority, yet he was also nauseated from it. 

But it wasn’t the same duality as before. 

It was no longer about being _good_ or _bad_ , or being an _angel_ or _the Devil_. He was both, and yet, he was neither. He was Lucifer. And he was at peace with that now. Finally.

But being him.. being Lucifer, meant protecting those he cared about by sometimes doing horrid things.. And it also meant being under God’s thumb once again. Being forced to fix His mistake. His mistake in having humans judge themselves by guilt. Because the guilty sometimes didn’t feel that way. His mind flashed to Cain.

His mind flashed to Charlotte.

His mind flashed to his mother.

Had he not convinced Cain that he deserved Hell, would he be celebrating in the Silver City now?

Suddenly a large piece of a mountainous slope on a lower fixture crumbled, falling towards the ground. He heard the surprised outcry of demons below it.

What?

He spread his wings and landed towards the site of the damage. 

He touched the hot stone in confusion. He could hear a few demons breaking out from beneath the rubble, talking between each other to see what had happened. 

They weren’t asking him.

They knew better than to bother him lately.

But what.. Why was this happening?

“Luci.” 

Lucifer turned towards the familiar voice. It was Amenadiel. He was here, in Hell?

His angelic brother looked back at him for a moment in an awkward silence, seeming as if he might apologize for something, but the attempt stopped when he noticed the result of the rocky avalanche.

“Has something happened, Luci?”

Lucifer stared back in astonishment, the only plausible explanation coming to mind.

“Hell is breaking, brother.”


	3. Chapter 3

"That’s insane.” 

Lucifer paced in his large living quarters while his brother sat at the desk at the front of the room, facing him, clearly content to discount any and all of his theories. 

“Is it?” He stopped his movement, turning to Amenadiel, “Because in the centuries I have been the Lord of ...this… _place_... this has never happened.” 

His sibling looked a little a bit less sure at that, but was quick to raise his hand in protest.

“Maybe so, but Hell is not breaking. It’s _impossible_.”

Lucifer huffed in response but Amenadiel continued, “Perhaps your absence has had a slight effect on it, or maybe this has occurred in small amounts before but none large enough to notice? Because after all, I mean, it’s not as if this place is made to be pleasant.”

Lucifer’s gaze turned from pensive to cold. “No, not pleasant. But it _is_ predictable. This, is not normal.” 

Amenadiel stared back. Lucifer was behaving differently. He was almost... icy in his replies. It was odd. Usually when he was mad or upset, he wouldn’t hold back his whining or complaints about it. Now, it was as if he was shutting himself off. 

But then again, maybe this was just how Lucifer was in Hell. He wouldn’t know. He’d never paid a visit before.

Amenadiel shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe a demon orchestrated this? Because they wanted to test you?”

Lucifer considered that for a moment, bringing his hand to his chin. “I suppose it’s possible. I certainly haven’t been a crowd favorite since I returned.”

He chuckled briefly, continuing. “And if this was a democratic system, I definitely wouldn’t win any elections. Well, not without Russian interference, anyways.” His eyes met Amenadiel’s and held his normal hint of his classic humor. 

So, it wasn’t all gone. That was good.

Unfortunately Amenadiel had nothing to jest back with.

“Uhg, you’re useless.” Lucifer groaned after the awkward pause in conversation, heading over to his bed and sitting down on the edge. His eyes were focused on the ground, his arms waving half-heartedly during his monologue. “Should’ve known a political joke with you would be a lost cause. I thought at least with the time you’ve been there by now you could hold up a simple topical conversation but-”

“Lucifer.”

The Devil stopped his tirade and looked back up in resignation, seeming to already expect this interruption. 

“Lucifer, I am sorry.” 

Lucifer’s brow furrowed. He certainly didn’t expect that though. “Whyever _for_?”

“For.. not being here, for you.”

The fallen angel opposite of him seemed stunned. “To be honest, brother, I didn’t anticipate you ever coming down here at all. Especially not when you’ve a child to rear. Despite my judgements about your poor taste in how to live a life on earth, I’ll always be the one to encourage others to live their lives how they desire.” His smirk didn’t meet his eyes.

It stung a bit, that Lucifer didn’t expect him to ever visit. Especially now that things had improved between them. But it’s true that he had never stopped in to say hello. None of them had. 

Perhaps he had always been distant to Lucifer before now? Had they always been so indifferent to each other? No, no.. not quite indifferent.. Before his.. departure.. from Heaven, there was competition. It was not cold whatsoever. But there had never been comradery. And he was first-born. He should’ve taken the lead sooner in acting like a true brother.

“So, is that why your here? Something about feeling guilty for my unfortunate circumstance? Hoping to clear your conscious by stopping in to say hello and leave after a few apologetic words?” 

His voice was sharp, heading towards hostile, breaking Amenadiel out of his daydreaming. 

Lucifer’s emotions were bleeding back in full. The air around them felt hotter. Hell seemed suddenly _alive_. Amenadiel couldn’t shake how strange this felt. Lucifer didn’t seem to notice, though.

“Well?” He bit out, frustratedly. 

“No, no. I mean, maybe a little.” Amenadiel sighed. The steeled look in Lucifer’s eyes stayed, but a slight hint of admiration shone in them. He respected honesty. Amenadiel had come to really, truly, learn that in time.

“But also.. Because you’re missed. By me of course, too, but the others wanted you to know especially.”

He knew how painful this had to be to him. But this is what they had asked. That their love be passed to him, since they couldn’t present it themselves.

Lucifer looked away, towards a window. He walked to it, in a purposeless pace. Quiet for a few moments too long, and yet, it became a comfortable silence as the minutes passed.

After all, what was time or silence to two immortals.

“Chloe.” Lucifer rasped, finally. “How… how is she.”

The question he’d been wanting to ask since he first spotted Amenadiel - out in the open, at last.

“She’s fine.”

He heard Lucifer’s intake of breath, of relief.

“But she misses you, every day.”

“She has a new partner now, I’m sure.” He ventured.

Amenadiel smiled softly to no one’s notice. “Not quite.”

He turned in surprise and a small bit of anger, “What! She _must_! Someone needs to be protecting her!”

Amenadiel raised an eyebrow. “You think Chloe needs someone else's’ protection? Really?”

Lucifer sighed and turned back to the ash covered window. “You’re right. Perhaps not, now that I’m gone.”

“Luci,” he opted in changing the subject, as this was getting sad. Well, somehow more sad than it was before, anyways, “How have you been?”

That question was apparently a mistake too, though.

Lucifer ran his hands through his hair in disarray, turning back to Amenadiel.

“Things aren’t _right._ ” He said quietly. “Here.” His gaze appeared slightly manic. 

Amenadiel frowned in response. “I don’t understand.”

“This place, Amenadiel, it’s… it’s _wrong_. Dad was _wrong_ to make it like this.” 

This confused the other angel even more, and worried him. Lucifer barely ever called him by his name. “What are you saying?”

Lucifer growled and marched over to Amenadiel and grabbed him by the wrist. “Come with me.”

Amenadiel was not about to argue with his angelic brother’s burning red eyes of fury. 

\----

Maze walked towards the entrance, giving a wary glance to the many families here. 

Gross.

She lithely glided through the rows of colorful flowers and tropical plants, not hesitant to walk over a plant if it was in her way. 

She was close, now. And nothing was going to hinder her. 

Suddenly, she saw her. Her long black hair drawn up in a messy bun, a few strands loose and cascading over her shoulders. Dew and droplets of shining water across her bare shoulders, and green all around her. Was this what she looked like in the Garden?

She spoke her name with a lot more hesitation than she’d planned in her head.

“Eve…”

The woman turned, eyes bright in confusion at the familiar voice.

“Maze? Is that you? What are you doing here!” She spoke in a happy voice, seemingly pleased at the Demon’s presence.

The Demon could choose to be sentimental, but there was still frustration and a slight hint of betrayal coating her heart at the sight of that face.

“I should ask you the same question. When you were planning to go ‘find yourself”, Maze added air quotes for effect, “I didn’t plan that you’d be working in a .. garden in _Washington_.. of all places.”

Clearly this woman was lost as ever, and possibly reverting.

Eve chuckled sheepishly. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t really know how I ended up here. I just didn’t want to be too far away, but also, I needed my own space? Does that make sense?”

Maze at least understood that desire. She nodded slowly, her eyes allowing for a continued explanation.

Eve looked away, towards the plants she’d just watered. “And I thought, ya know, hey? Why not a garden? I know those pretty well..” Her accompanying laugh sounded almost bitter.

“So you’ve been here the whole time?” Maze squinted. It seemed boring, considering the woman’s previous lifestyle.

“Well, um.. Not quite the whole time, no.” Eve trailed away vaguely, before picking back up again with her typical optimism. “I’m still exploring, I guess? I’ve only had this job for about two months. Before this, I tried a lot of other stuff. I mean, _a lot_.”

She had the grace to look embarrassed.

Maze smirked knowingly. She knew this phase would be short-lived.

“Well, we have plenty of.. plants.. Back in LA. So, I’ll just take you back with me. We can swing by your place and grab your stuff first.”

She went to grab Eve’s arm but the first woman pulled back sharply.

“No! Maze. I’m happy to see you, I really am..” She said comfortingly, placing her hand on Maze’s shoulder, “But I still need to try here. I’m not done seeing about my own place in this world.”

Maze rolled her eyes, scoffing. “You seriously think that if you haven’t found it already in this random ass place, that you’re just going to wake up and feel like you belong here? It doesn’t work that way.”

Eve squinted back at her, seemingly annoyed. “Didn’t it for you? You told me before that you used to hate Earth, until you became a Bounty Hunter!”

Maze shrugged. “I was always kind of a Bounty Hunter. It wasn’t hard once I realized that human’s have a job that’s equivalent.”

Eve turned away, the wavy strands loose from her bun hiding her facial expression, “So, are you saying that I’m just going to fall back into how I was before? Waiting for a partner to complete me? Is that what you think, and why you’re here now?”

Maze was slightly taken aback. Eve had never seemed so depressingly morbid before. 

“No, that’s not-”

Eve cut her off, dropping the watering can she had been holding to the ground. “I think you should leave.” 

Maze uttered a protest, but Eve turned around, and she saw moisture in the first woman’s eyes. The Demon backed down.

“Look, okay, I’ll leave. But I’m still in town until tomorrow, so.. I don’t know, can you show me around or something?”

Eve’s eyes finally met hers. There was a spot of hesitation before the response, making Maze uncharastically nervous.

“Okay..I’ll text you tonight with some details. I’m off tomorrow anyways, I guess.”

Maze would have to accept it. She faked her best smile and nodded. Eve’s gaze grew uncomfortable and Maze took that as her cue to leave.

For now.

\---

“So, uh, do you want a martini or something? Or I have some Mike’s Hard Lemonade in the fridge?”

Chloe snorted, “No, I’m fine.”

Linda quirked her eyebrow. “Yeah, sure, fine. Of course.” She gazed knowingly at Chloe’s twitching leg.

Chloe followed her gaze before groaning and immediately stopping the erratic motion of her bottom left limb.

“I’m fine.”

“Chloe, it’s totally understandable if you’re anxious.”

Chloe stood up quickly, forgetting her motivation to appear unaffected, and began pacing.

“So, he’ll back in like a few minutes I guess? They’ll have what? Spent a week together by that time? I mean, is that really how long Lucifer’s already been down there? Or is it like a year for every hour here?” 

Linda could see her patient, no, right now, her friend’s anxiety rising. Clearly, everyone was dealing with some pushed-down emotions today. 

Her angel boyfriend had been no exception. 

\---

_“I don’t know why I haven’t already gone. I don’t know.” He repeated, holding Charlie and patting his back to burp him. But his pats were just a touch too fast._

_“Do you want me to take him, Amenadiel?”_

_“What?” He broke out of his own reverie for a minute, then. “Oh. No, no, I have him. It’s alright.” He continued to pat his back, slowing down a little._

_“I feel so.. I feel like a bad brother, Linda.”_

_He sat down on their bed, looking at nothing in particular. “He’s been down there for a while now.”_

_Linda sat beside him, admiring their child’s sleepy gaze against his father’s shoulder._

_“I’m no exception Amenadiel, I know we’ve been busy lately. It can be hard to balance so many responsibilities. It’s not just on you.”_

_“But I am the only one who-”_

_She put her hand on his leg. He stopped, meeting her knowing gaze. “No, you’re not. You’re the only one of all of your many siblings that you’ve both told me about who has even bothered to get to know him. Don’t forget that.”_

_He nodded reluctantly, and she continued. “And he will understand. But, stalling any longer won’t help anything.” She smiled reassuringly. It was time for the brothers to unite._

_Amenadiel stilled for a moment hugging his son close to him before relinquishing his hold and passing their baby to Linda. She accepted Charlie and cradled him with care._

_“Maybe you should take a photo of his nephew too.”_

_Amenadiel cocked an eyebrow._

_Linda laughed. “Okay, yah, maybe not. I almost forgot who we were talking about for a minute, didn’t I.”_

_Amenadiel smiled back. “Maybe so. I’ll take one anyways, and he can pretend he doesn’t want it. I’ll leave it behind though.”_

_“By mistake of course.” She smiled._

_“Yes, by mistake.” He grinned back, before sighing. “Okay, well, I’ll head out and you can spend some time with Chloe in the meantime. She’s coming back with dinner for you both.”_

_Linda nodded, knowing that her friend would probably need her reassurance while Amenadiel went to meet the person, the angel and devil, that she so missed._

_It was going to be tough, but Amenadiel reassured her that it’d be no more than an hour at most, about a day’s time in Hell._

_“Go tell our Devil we love him, then.” She smiled._

\---

“So what did you ask Amenadiel to tell him for you?” Linda inquired, hoping to focus Chloe’s attention on something else less depressing than the likely years that Lucifer had been alone.

“What? I didn’t.. I didn’t tell him to say anything. Oh, Go- no, um, should I have?” She uttered back, furthering down towards a breaking point.

“Hey hey, come here” Linda stood, helping her friend back towards the couch. “Let’s just sit.”

Chloe looked towards her in distress before complying. “Linda, I didn’t even say anything to him.”

“He can go back another time, Chloe. It’s _okay_.”

“Is it? I mean, then again, is it rude to make Amenadiel just go back and forth with love letters?” Chloe started to giggle, tears also joining her laughter. “Uhg, this is so messed up.” She sighed, wiping her eyes. 

\---

Amenadiel followed the Devil through the corridors of Hell for what felt like hours, the heat stifling him. He was about to ask that they simply fly to whereever Lucifer was taking him, when they stopped in front of what appeared to be an indentically typical hell-loop door. 

“Now, brother,” Lucifer started, his eyes uncharastically serious, “this door belongs to a very ordinary human. Almost boringly average. Very guilt-filled, though, of course.”

“What? Why would you make us travel so far for an average soul?”

“Uh uh uh.” The Lord of Hell held out a finger. “That’s exactly the problem, though.”

Amenadiel did not understand. Lucifer grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door.

“Luci, wait-” He pulled back against the force and Lucifer stopped cold.

His eyes looked back towards him and surprise at the jerk, but then softened in understanding. “Please, you have to trust me. I am not doing anything to harm you, brother.”

Amenadiel could hardly believe this was the same Lucifer that once called himself evil incarnate. 

“Besides, had I wanted to harm you, I certainly would’ve found more creative ways to do so besides throwing you in a _Hell Loop_.” Lucifer smirked.

That was a lot more like him, then. Amenadiel nodded hesitantly and let himself be pulled into the door. 

\---

When the scenery changed to the captive soul’s hell loop, Amenadiel observed that they now stood under a night sky in an urban cityscape. The cars were older than the current times, and the architecture seemed more retro in its design. It looked like the 1960’s perhaps.

One other thing seemed to stand out - a roaring fire in a large building.

Amenadiel watched the hustle and bustle of firefighters working to pull people out of the building. He noticed that one human seemed to be the main character in this situation as well. Every scene seemed to follow him.

He looked over to Lucifer for a reaction, or hint, or anything. All Lucifer gave to him was a quick look back and an utter of the human’s name: “Walter Murphey.”

Lucifer’s gaze turned away and back to the human’s loop, stuffing his hands in his pockets expectantly.

Amenadiel turned back to see the human countlessly run back and forth, saving other humans from what appeared to be a burning hospital with his comrades.

Walter appeared to the be the leader, yelling out to his fellow men to continue their scope of the west wing of the building.

Suddenly one part of the hospital collapsed. The entire east section crumbled, and the men, and all the bystanders froze, staring in horror. Walter joined them.

“You told us to clear the west wing first!” One firefighter yelled at him in fury, running towards Walter. Walter was speechless. 

A bystander ran up to him, sobbing. “My child was in there. My child. He’s dead because of _you_.”

“You’re no hero!” Someone yelled towards him.

On onslaught of horrific chants and accusations continued to be yelled at Walter. People on fire walked out to the building, scarred, charred and dead. They chanted too, though.

The man covered his ears in pain and horror. He sobbed.

Amenadiel’s eyes widened in disbelief, seeing this awful display. He turned back to Lucifer, who was already staring back with a grim expression. He walked out of the Hell Loop, motioning for Amenadiel to follow him. The latter almost couldn’t move, but he complied.

\---

“What was that!” Amenadiel cried. “That was not that man’s fault…! He doesn’t deserve to be here, not for that!”

Lucifer poured a drink for himself back at his living quarters, quiet, and letting Amenadiel vent.

“I mean, has it always been like this? How many loops are like that? Please tell me-”

“Too many.” Lucifer mumbled, taking a drink. “There are so many.”

Amenadiel scrunched his face, suddenly confused. “But you must have known! You’ve known this for so long, haven’t you?”

Lucifer scoffed. “You think I make it a habit to enjoy the suffering of humans? Not so much, brother. I typically try to avoid guilty souls. Not the most enjoyable sort for smoking a bowl with, you’ll find.” His tone was dark, despite the joke. “But, I found myself curious. Not about the truly evil, no. I know where those ones are, and I don’t mind the occasional observation of demon punishment on them at times, but these average joes… I don’t care much to entertain or deepen their punishments.”

He looked towards the ash beyond the glass. “But.. after.. My return… I’ve had much time to think. I’ve been.. Wondering about this system.”

Amenadiel was beginning to understand. He was starting to see why Lucifer called this _wrong_.

“And you don’t think.. You think Dad made a mistake?”

Lucifer was quiet for a moment, before walking towards his brother. “I am starting to.”

They both turned in surprise as the window in Lucifer’s room shattered into pieces. 

Lucifer rushed over to the now-open port with Amenadiel behind him. The ash in Hell was no longer.  
Instead, the sky was sending out shards of glass and stone in a flurried torrential downpour.


	4. Chapter 4

“Amenadiel!”

Just as he’d landed back on earth, back at home, two very familiar blonde women rushed over to him.

“That really was fast.” Linda commented in surprise, grabbing his arm and lightly brushing off some ash off of him. “I think you’ve only been gone, what, 15 minutes?”

Chloe’s accompanying relief at his return faltered as she watched sheets of ash fall off of his clothes and onto the ground. Her gaze became locked on it, and she was quickly losing touch of everything else.

He was still there. Lucifer. Amenadiel could leave and come home to them, but _he_ couldn’t. He was still underneath all that ash, alone. 

“How… how was the trip?” Chloe asked weakly, still looking at the grey matter on the ground.

“Lucifer’s alright, Chloe.” Amenadiel said back. 

She glanced back up at him, and saw his apologetic half-smile. He clearly had known what she really wanted to ask. But it was a pointless question, because the man she was thinking of was hardly _alright_. She remembered how he’d commented about his past life.. his time there.

_“It was a job, Detective. Something I was forced to do.”_

She came back to reality as she noticed the stillness around her. She refocused to note the concerned expression Amenadiel wore on his face, and Linda was mirroring his worry towards the both of them now.

“Is he really, okay, Amenadiel?” Linda ventured carefully, looking to Chloe and then back to him. “You seem like you may have something else you want to tell us?”

He stared back at the two humans he’d grown to love. He knew that Linda could handle about anything by now, and perhaps Chloe could too. He would just have to trust them.

“Perhaps so.” He muttered, and walked to the couch to sit. 

Chloe and Linda met eyes in equal concern before relinquishing and joining him.

“Amenadiel”, Chloe’s voice came out serious and strong, after settling down between him and Linda. Strong was not at all how she was feeling, though. Her heart was spasming. “You can be honest with me. Is Lucifer.. alright?”

“He’s fine, Chloe. Well, stable at least. I wouldn’t lie about that.” Amenadiel started, “But.. I do find myself a bit.. lost after my visit.”

“How long was it?” Chloe whispered, almost to herself.

“I’m.. not quite sure.” Amenadiel offered sympathetically. “I suppose, it felt…. Such as if I’d been there a week, a month? It was hard to tell.”

Chloe’s heart constricted again. Only 15 minutes in Hell, and Amenadiel felt as if it had been maybe even a month. And it had been a year since.. 

“And Luci, he… he’s found himself something to keep him busy I suppose.” Amenadiel offered vaguely, interrupting Chloe’s thoughts.

Linda frowned and looked to Chloe. The Detective seemed to be seconds away from losing her patience.

The Doctor did her best to add urgency to her request, while sounding understanding. “Amenadiel, please just tell us what’s going on.” She was trying to keep her cool herself, but she also now had worries about their fallen angel.

Amenadiel nodded, reluctant but finally complying to their request. “He’s realized… something terrible about Hell. How.. how it appears to be... flawed...” Amenadiel seemed to be struggling to speak. “There were so many doors he showed me, of humans.. Who don’t really deserve to be there.. Well, not according to us, anyways. They were stuck in loops over things that weren’t worth the guilt. Some even punished themselves over insignificant moments, like missing their child’s performance at school because they had to work, or losing their job which caused struggles in their families. Many were good people… who held too much guilt over things that they couldn’t control.”

The angel seemed unable to meet their eyes, knowing what they must be feeling. A feeling of desperation he had recently been struck with, as well.

Chloe felt the sting of shock and confusion that followed. Of course, it seemed cruel to punish people who felt guilt over things like this, but who were they to comment on the workings of a celestial design? 

“But, how can I go against it? It’s not up to _us_.” Amenadiel murmured almost to himself, clearly on a similar train of thought.

“Wait, so.. Lucifer realized this after he returned? And you left him there alone?” Her voice was hollow. 

“Chloe, what would you want me to do?” Amenadiel responded back in exasperation, stress heavy in his features. 

Chloe stilled, and looked between the angel and his paramore. They both seemed unsure how to proceed with her, and in general. 

Why did she always have to be the one? The one making decisions, the one in action.

Whether her actions were good or bad, she felt that she was the only one who ever made a move. All whilst the world was spinning underneath and above two unseen celestial destinations. The good and the bad. The pure and the evil. How could she even pretend to know what was best? She’d told _him_ how’d she felt about herself in comparison to all of this.

_“And how am I, Chloe Decker, a nobody supposed to deal with that?”_

She still didn’t feel very seperated from that initial reaction now. But it was not about him anymore, no. It was about this system. This design.

Because as she’d come to learn of the plight of the Devil, she’d learned it was too drastically different. He was not evil, yet he didn’t encompass the attitude of an angel either. But then again, what is the staple angel persona? Was it his brother, Amenadiel? Because that seemed wrong too. Angels were not perfect, and they could hold guilt too. Could they also go to Hell for something insignificant as well? Could they go to Hell at all?

Could she? If she felt guilt about bumping into someone in the hallway, or accidentally breaking a colleague’s nose in training, would she go to Hell? Apparently it was quite possible. And in that way of thinking, it did seem wrong. It also seemed to wrong to comprehend why this was being questioned so late in the game at all. Why would God Himself draft such an obviously flawed system? How had no one noticed it before?

“What did Lucifer say about it?” She found herself asking out of the blue. 

She wondered if his time working with her, seeing her version of justice, really had affected how the King of Hell ruled his throne. Was this why he was rethinking its methods? It was a terrifying thought, to have so much influence on someone so… well.. 

“He’s not sure how to proceed either, but he clearly believes that Father made a ...mistake.. in its practice.” Amenadiel started out gravely. 

Linda let out a small chuckle. 

The other two looked at her in surprise of the break in the serious mood.

“What?” She asked, defensive, “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have predicted he’d say that.”

Chloe smiled a bit in response at recollections over Lucifer’s… Luciferness, as Chloe had called it. Amenadiel didn’t seem any lighter in his reaction, though.

“Linda, it’s not as if he has much room to go against Father. Even if…” He looked up, apparently distraught at even having to say such a thing out loud where his divine parent may hear, “Even _if_ He was… mistaken… in making the system like this.. There’s no room to fix it. What are we supposed to do? Go against His will? I have done something similar before, and I will tell you, that is how I lost my wings.”

Amenadiel looked away in shame after his admission.

Chloe’s mouth opened briefly in surprise. “You lost your wings?”

Amenadiel nodded slowly, not surprised in her further questioning. “I was mortal for a time. But I did get them back.”

So, perhaps angels suffer guilt too? They won’t go to Hell, but they can change, just like Lucifer had. Before, she’d wondered if that was just because he was different, because he was the Devil, but apparently it was very angelic afterall to experience such physical alterations based on one’s perceptions of themselves.

“Because you felt as if you deserved them again.” Chloe muttered, answering the puzzle. She understood quite well now - or, was beginning to. 

Amenadiel nodded. “That’s what we’ve come to believe. I shared this with my siblings in the Silver City when I last visited… but it didn’t make much of an impact. Things are much more.. stagnant there.”

“And in Hell, too.” Chloe voiced.

Amenadiel shrugged, yet seemed uncomfortable and stiff in his answer, “Yes, well, Demons do like to.. mix it up.. I’ve observed…” he shivered before continuing, “but sure. Stagnant in its own way.” 

“No, but that’s what I mean Amenadiel. Angels can change their appearance back and forth whether they feel guilt, or well.. Angelic.” Chloe reasoned, “But humans don’t really get that option, do they?”

Amenadiel nodded, “Yes, that’s true I suppose. We have immortality, for the most part, granted to us to have plenty of time to improve or fall even, and even though Lucifer went to Hell before, he was pulled out by our Mother, so we assumably also have divine assistance, unlike humans. I suppose the differences are a bit unfair if you think of that way.”

Linda’s eyes widened as she looked between the two. Amenadiel had just opened up one the various Pandora’s boxes she’d worked so hard to contain in Lucifer’s absence. 

“Wait, what.” Chloe held up her hand. “What do you mean, ‘Lucifer went to Hell before’? Like, actually was a.. Was he in a… in one of the loops you both told me about before?”

Her freak-out mode was setting in, she knew, and maybe it would scare them too but she had to know.

“Guys, please. What do you mean, that he was in Hell? That he had to be pulled out?”

Linda sighed, “Well, I guess I couldn’t expect an angel to keep a secret forever.” 

Amenadiel had the grace to look apologetic, but Linda recovered quickly, grabbing Chloe’s hand with one of her own. 

“Chloe, we thought maybe Lucifer might be better to tell you about this, but I guess I can let the cat out of the bag for this particular story.”

Chloe’s heart raced. Finally, another piece of the very confusing and convoluted puzzle.

\---

“So wait. You’re telling me that he ran away because… because he died for me?” She was emotionally exhausted, but still distraught in her search for answers. “And what could make him feel so guilty that he would.. He would suddenly be caught in Hell?”

The more she knew, the more questions she had.

“Now, those, I _really_ can’t answer for him.” Linda laughed uneasily. 

“But Linda, what if I-”

The Doctor put her hands on the stressed shoulders of her friend, and occasionally patient, and stilled her frantic movements. “You will see him again.”

Chloe’s eyes watered, and she couldn’t help a few more stray tears that made their way down - joining the ones before that came out at Linda’s telling of Lucifer’s actions that had saved her life. It had been an emotional evening.

“How can you be so sure?” She whimpered, more weak and watery than she would’ve liked. But it hurt. 

She smiled back, with a touch of sadness in her knowing eyes. “You’ll come to learn he can’t stay away from you for too long, despite whatever he thinks is imperative. Now that Amenadiel is visiting, it might be just the reminder he needs.”

Chloe’s heart soared at that thought, but there was still that nagging feeling of guilt. Now more than ever. First it came from the thought that if she hadn’t gone to Rome, maybe none of this would have happened.

Now, it grew from her complete and utter misunderstanding of him. 

After all, he’d actually died and risked everything to get the formula to save her. Had she known.. But how could she have? Not like Lucifer to actually explain anything, of course. And that was on him. There was anger too, for keeping her so in the dark.

Part of her saw his thought process and his belief that she would never accept him. The other part of her bristled that he would think her so incapable of understanding him, had he shown her the truth.

Because had he sat her down and been _truly_ honest with her and prepared her sufficiently, she may have accepted it.. Differently. 

Well, she supposed he had, actually. That moment in Ella’s lab when his face hadn’t appeared like he’d wanted… but besides that. There were the wings and countless other times he could’ve at least... What time could they have had together, had he just.. Shown her?

She wanted to believe there was an outcome that didn’t involve her betraying him. That didn’t involve more wasted time.. That didn’t end with him going back to Hell.

“Linda.. I think.. That I’m going to head home.” Chloe removed her hand from her friend’s. 

She could tell Linda and Amenadiel were doubtful about her mental state, but she did need rest. And alone time. 

“Chloe, I’ll see him again soon. I need to, anyways, if we’re to figure out our next move.”

He meant Hell of course. Not the next move to bring Lucifer back. But maybe it would be her personal job to figure that part out.

“Okay… well, next time, could you bring something to him from me?” She ventured, trying not to sound too dependent.

The angel smiled warmly. “Of course.” 

\----

“So, what are we doing again?” Maze grunted as she shoved past another family.

“Maze, I wanted to show you why I like this place!” Eve replied in exasperation. “I don’t even know why I’m bothering if you’re just going to complain.”

“Fine, fine. I’m down for the ride, I promise.” The demon raised her hands in protest. She’d traveled this far already. She wasn’t about to leave without trying her best to bring Eve back.

Eve smiled smugly at the formers change in attitude. “Great. Now! Onto my favorite coffee shop. You like coffee don’t you?”

Maze walked alongside Eve, looking distrustingly at every building they walked by. They looked average at best. “Sure, I guess. Irish, anyways. We are getting alcohol, right?”

“Here we are! Joe’s Coffee.” Eve smiled brightly in front of a small and snore-inducing shack of a building. Maze scrunched up her face in distaste. 

“Really? _This_ is your favorite coffee place.”

Eve frowned. “It’s the first place I came to after I moved here. It’s special.” 

Maze sighed. “After you.”

\---

The chaotic storm that had occurred during the start of Amenadiel’s visit long had subsided, and the ash was back to its annoying habit of drifting downwards as per usual. Lucifer patted his right shoulder of his suit, causing it to flurry downwards from his thrown. His annoyingly cracked throne.

His brother had provided ample distraction from trying to solve the recent mysteries of Hell's self-induced destruction, but since his sibling’s departure back to Earth, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Perhaps the break in the rock and avalanche could be blamed on the demons as Amenadiel had suggested. The storm though - not possible. And the crack in the chair? He still didn't know where that was from. He turned to look at it. It looked bigger.

No one had the ability to influence Hell’s landscape but him, its King, and he certainly wasn’t trying to do anything of the sort. Rather, he’d become detached from the place entirely since returning. If anything, he’d just freeze the place over in order to get a reaction from the Detective.

Ah, but that was dangerous thinking. The minute he started down that path, there’d be no living with it. He was trying his best to detach himself from that particular topic, and had somehow managed to do so brilliantly despite the surprise visit of his brother. 

He hadn’t said as much, but Amenadiel seemed to know that he wasn’t interested in conversing about… well, he tried not to think of the “h” word, because it hurt too much. But it was.. It was _home_.

He hadn’t missed his brother’s attempt to stealthily slip a photo of baby Charlie onto his desk. Of course Lucifer had noticed, but why bother fighting it. After all, what kind of uncle would he be if he refused to see his nephew’s photo for selfish reasons.

Selfish reasons being - his constant urge to abandon all care to watch this infernal place and go see everyone. To go _home_ … To finally be with the detective. 

He didn’t care how she would receive him, angry or not. He knew she probably would be livid that he left her after such an emotional moment between the two of them. Hopefully she knew he didn’t want to. 

Did she know, though? What if she didn’t? What if she assumed he was just trying to escape her again? He started to feel a numb feeling under his skin. He didn’t tell Amenadiel to say anything on his behalf… would she consider that he didn’t care for her?

He had half a mind to fly to her right this moment, consequences be damned.

But, but.. He couldn’t. Not if he wanted her, and the others to remain safe. And maybe, it was best if she thought him indifferent. Then, she could live her life fully, not waiting on him any longer.

Yes. That was best. 

He felt the temperature in Hell shift, growing dark and cold. Not freezing, but frigid all the same. He frowned at it. 

Was Hell tuned into his emotions at a finite level through some adjustment of his Father’s, or was he simply the wrecked emotional rollercoaster he’d feared to become, now incapable of stopping the effect of his feelings on his surroundings?

He grew frustrated at all possible explanations and tried to shut his mind off from hypothesizing. It was no use anyway. It didn’t change the facts.

He stared grimly out at the dark kingdom from his high-seated throne, while the demons looked up at him in fear.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, it's actually really hard to write from all these different locations in the story. Maze is one place, and Lucifer is well, _really_ in another place, so thanks for your patience. 
> 
> I'm so excited for Season 5. (Spoilers): First ep - "Really Sad Devil Guy" and second - "Lucifer! Lucifer! Lucifer!"
> 
> Can't believe it.. and I'm so curious. Either way, thanks for your continued support as I'm so lazy getting new chapters up. :)

Maze drank the watery coffee in silence as she watched Eve interact with the others in the cafe. Clearly, she had warmed up to everyone there in the last year. Clearly, she didn’t seem interested in coming back to LA. 

What was she even doing? Coming here, trying to convince Eve to come home..? What had she been thinking, it was a stupid idea. She’d already tried once to show Eve what she meant to her and gotten the message. 

She gruffly stood, leaving the tasteless-muck on the bar.

“Maze, where are you going? You have to meet everyone!” Eve bounced happily as the room of people cautiously looked back at the scowling demon. 

The offending demon stared back, a sarcastic quip on the tip of her tongue.

“You wouldn’t want to disappoint our Eve, would you?” 

Maze turned to a new barista who had made his way out of the backroom. Something about him seemed oddly familiar, and just a little bit.. _off._

She squinted at him. She didn’t remember where she could’ve met him before. He was dark in skin tone, with wavy black hair to his shoulders. An eerily symmetrical face. Maybe Arab in human race. But that wasn’t what struck her as familiar. Something about his essence.. Almost like..

“Oh perfect! I was hoping you were working today, Jeremy.” Eve grinned widely at this man.

Maze didn’t like that one bit. She grunted and sat back down, staring at Jeremy. 

“So, Jeremy,” Maze leered, moving closer to him from the other side of the bar, “what makes you think you get to call her ‘your’ Eve?” 

The man smirked, and Maze’s hand flinched, eager to grab the knife stowed under her leather dress.  
“We… just go way back. That’s all.” His eyes glinted with the humor of a secret.

Eve tilted her head at his response, laughing. “Well, I guess that’s true. He was the first person I met when I came here.”

Maze was even more suspicious. She took a sip of the cold coffee she’d abandoned before.

“Is that right?” She looked between the two. “Why don’t you tell me all about it, Jeremy.”

His eyes met hers in a challenge. He smiled a little too wide.

“Would love to. Want another cup? That one seems like it might be cold.”

The demon smirked back, “No, I wouldn't drink another cup of this if you paid me. Thanks.”

Something about this guy wasn’t right. And she was gonna take him down.

She texted a quick message to Linda as Eve and Jeremy started chatting.

Maze: _I might be here a little longer than I thought._

\---

Linda frowned as she saw Maze’s message flash across her phone. She put down her hairbrush on the bathroom counter to send back a quick response.

Either Maze and Eve were hitting it off, or her best friend was coming to the realization that relationships just aren't that easy. She was proud, though, over how much progress Maze had made since coming to Earth. Even falling in love with a human, which she was sure the demon would never admit to as much out loud.

A Charlie-made noise interrupted her thoughts as Linda realized that he had walked, or maybe crawled, away.

"Charlie!" She called out her baby's name warmly as she walked to the living room. And as he had begun to do lately, he did respond with a resounding "mama!". She smiled and walked towards his voice coming from the kitchen.

Her smile quickly turned into a yelp of surprise though, as she saw Charlie was smiling at her from the top of the refrigerator

\---

Chloe stared at the expanse of lights across the sky as she drove back home from Dan’s, where she’d just dropped off Trixie for the weekend.

Those lights, the stars. _His stars_.

She realized more and more as he’d left. She had been so desperate to understand all the things she’d rather have ignored when he was gone. Some part of her wondered, that if she could truly understand him, he might be able to come back.

For the last year now, she’d remember things here and there.

He had an array of angelic brothers and sisters.

He’d fallen from Heaven. 

He really did speak every language. 

And "Lightbringer" wasn’t his title for nothing. 

She pulled into the driveway, and stared again at the stars for a moment, imagining what he might say if he were here.

_“Sure, Detective. I hung the stars, lit the sun, yada yada yada, but wouldn’t you rather see what I can ignite in the bedroom?”_

She smiled warmly. She looked at one star in particular that was gleaming, its shine particularly bright. In the back of her mind, she pretended he might be able to see it too.

As she walked into the apartment, she spied the letterhead she’d bought to draft her letter to Lucifer. It was nice paper, which she thought he’d appreciate – being such a snob for taste in every little aspect. But she’d been putting it off just a bit.

Part of her wanted to cry over the letter, repeating “sorry” over and over. Despite what Linda and Amenadiel had said, she took some responsibility for this whole thing. Had she not listened to Kinley, this probably would have never happened. But, the other part didn’t want to distress him which she would inevitably do by expressing any amount of guilt, according to his brother.

She poured a glass of red wine, and took a long drink. Maybe it would bring out the poet in her? She was used to writing homicide reports, not love letters.

Her heart stuttered.

Yet, even though she couldn’t express her love physically, she could express it in words, if she really tried? What would Lucifer like, though…

One idea came to mind, but no, she was certainly not going to send any sort of soft-core written porn, either.

She sighed and grabbed the pen next to the parchment.

Here goes. She took another gulp of wine and quickly wiped away the moisture threatening to turn to tears.

\---

“Hello? Who is that?”

A hunched over Kinley whispered into the darkness, his voice shook with uncertainty.

Lucifer smirked, unbeknownst to him. “Hello Father. I thought I might pop in for a quick visit. A reminder, if you will.”

“It worked… It worked!” Kinley laughed mechanically. “I got the Devil to come back to Hell!”

Lucifer held back his temper, but it flared under the surface. Only his eyes flashed red in the blackness as he walked closer to the ex-priest; he could see Kinley’s posture stiffen in response.

“Ah, well, I wouldn’t say that. Rather, you made me realize my priorities. That being, that certain people remain untouched.” His voice clipped at the end, turning his easygoing reply sour.

He grabbed Kinley’s throat and slammed him against a wall.

“Does it feel good?”

Kinley could only make incomprehensible noises as Lucifer’s hands tightened around his throat.

Lucifer continued, “Knowing that you endangered all those humans? Caused their early deaths?”

Lucifer looked to the candles in the back of the room and they flickered on. The room was illuminated now. At least, enough for Kinley to see everything he needed to.

Lucifer’s devil formed bled through as his skin was burned away, and quickly a pair of arched red wings joined in. Kinley’s eyes widened in fear and he shook his head thoroughly, his vocal chords straining more to scream. But he couldn’t.

Kinley stared in horror as he took in a pool of blood around him. He looked down at his own clothes and they were marred in red as well.

He shook his head furiously.

Lucifer wanted to break it off. But he let the priest go, putting him back on the ground.

Kinley suddenly remembered just what this Hell-loop had been. This had been happening over and over. He looked down at his hands. He was holding a blood-stained knife. He saw bodies around him. He sobbed, remembering the feeling of stabbing all of them.

Lucifer stared at him in disgust. That is, if his Devil form was even able to reflect that particular emotion.

“Well, at least I can see that some souls _truly _do deserve to be here.” His devil persona dissipated, leaving his angelic body and wings in its wake.__

Kinley cried in anguish. “Please, I didn’t do this!”

Lucifer stared coldly back. “Didn’t you though?”

“There had to be a sacrifice! Don’t you understand? My intentions were good!”

Lucifer laughed to himself. Kinley stared back in disarray and confusion.

“Oh, well, you have heard what the road to Hell is paved with, haven't you?”

Lucifer walked out of the Hell-loop, before Kinley could utter a single other word.

\---

"You're sure you didn't see any wings? Positive?" Amenadiel asked

Linda groaned in frustration. "No, for the thousandth time, there were no wings."

Amenadiel's excitement was exhausting to Linda, especially because for her, it just meant that Charlie really wasn't going to have a normal life. But then again, knowing his father, godmother and uncle, she supposed that she'd just been fooling herself to think that was possible.

"Linda, but listen, as you said, one second he was next to you and the next he was on the refrigerator. There's only one explanation!"

Linda raised her finger at the angel, "No, that's not true. We don't know exactly what happened, and I don't think we should assume without knowing." 

Amenadiel sighed, finally calming down. Charlie was sleeping in the other room now, so he'd been trying to voice his excitement quietly, but it was difficult. Finally his son might have his wings!

Suddenly a knock sounded at the door. Linda raised her eyebrow, even though it was a Friday, it was almost midnight. 

Amenadiel shrugged at her questioning look but got up to get the door.

It was Chloe.

"Ohmygosh, okay! You're awake!" A very frantic, Chloe, that is.

"Um", she continued, standing the doorway, "So, uh I don't know when you're.. you know, going _back_ to see him, but I.. I made this-wait no, sorry, I _wrote_ this for him, so if you could, well maybe-"

Amandiel took mercy on the woman, taking the letter from her hands with a smile. "Of course I'll bring it to him. I'll go tonight."

Chloe looked back at him in shock. "Tonight?"

She might, maybe... have a letter back from him... tonight. After a year of radio silence, this felt so... she couldn't even describe it.

He nodded, "Yes. My son's gotten his wings, and I think it's time to celebrate. You should feel happy too! And of course, so should Luci!"

She bit back the quip that a love letter isn't exactly what would make her happiest, but she wasn't going to bit the -literal- messenger. 

She heard a cough of clarification in the background, Linda. Linda joined Amenadiel at the door and gave him a stern look. "We don't _know_ that yet, Amenadiel, right?"

He frowned but acquiesed. Linda sighed and motioned for Chloe to come in. 

"Here, come in. Let's have some wine?"

Chloe smiled and followed the therapists suggestion. Maybe tonight would be something special.

\---

He tipped back an entire bottle of liquor. Very poor quality, and ash-flavored. There’s a reason that they hadn’t come out with that sort of vodka type yet; It was disgusting. He had been sorely regretting for some time now not bringing some of his favorite whiskies with him when he left earth.

He scowled bitterly as he heard a rustle near to the door of his study. He swears to Dad if it was another demon trying to win his favor, he’d just about-

“Luci? Are you in there?”

Amenadiel? Again?

Lucifer opened the study door to see his angelic brother in all his glory back in Hell. “Not that I don’t appreciate more consistency in your visits, brother, but what have you come for? Found out more about this Hell situation perhaps?”

To be honest, Lucifer had been wary about Hell’s changes, but hadn’t done much about it. Lately since the reminder of Chloe, his depression about being in Hell had about hit an all-time high and to distract himself he’d mostly stuck to taunting Kinley and Cain for the past few weeks.

He didn’t really want to think about the other souls he’d found here that didn’t really belong. Not when he didn’t know what to do about it in the first place. But the knowledge of them remained, stoking his discomfort about the situation. And that crack was growing larger in his throne day by day. He was beginning to become concerned what might happen it if made it all the way to the other side.

“Well, yes, that. But also, I have something for you.”

“Oh?...Oh!” Lucifer’s face lit in joyous realization.

Amenadiel smiled. He produced something from his pocket and held it out to Lucifer. It looked like an envelope. Lucifer’s face fell in disappointment. “What the bloody hell is this?”

Amenadiel gaped, “A letter, Luci! What did you think it was going to be?!”

“I was hoping you would've thought to bring me some of my top shelf liquor! But clearly I have to do everything myself, don't I."

Lucifer groaned and swiped the letter from the angel. “And what have you become now, Amenadiel? A mailman? Who would’ve guessed." Lucifer pondered for a moment, "Or, perhaps you're going more for a Hermes angle? Wanting to bring back the good old Classical Greece era? Those _were_ some fun times after all."

Amenadiel wasn’t impressed, but he raised his eyebrow. Clearly his brother was stalling. “I’ll be in your other room. You can come join me when you’re ready.”

“When I’m _ready?_ ” Lucifer repeated in confusion.

Amenadiel sighed. “Just read the letter.” He departed after that, leaving the Devil alone with his new reading material.

Lucifer observed the writing on the envelope. Just as he'd feared. He’d know that scrawl anywhere. His heart picked up. This was from the Detective. From Chloe.

He almost didn’t want to open it. He had no idea if it would say sweet nothings, or if it would be a declaration that she would be moving on with some other bloke.

If he were truly good, he would want that for her. He does want her to be happy. But the thought of it still sent tremors through him.

He sat down reluctantly at his desk once more, his fingers slowly ripping with care the seal.  


He pulled out a heavy-weighted paper from the envelope, pleasantly surprised in her choice of parchment.

“So, now to see.. love letter or statement of closure..” He muttered to himself. His pulse beat erratically under his skin. 

_“Lucifer,_

__

__

_A year ago, I wouldn’t be able to even comprehend giving an angel a letter to bring to Hell. To bring to you, the Devil!”_

"Angel", "Hell", and "Devil" were underlined several times, each. Lucifer chuckled a bit, it sounded like her already. And he knew he was poisoning his resolve, that he should stop, but he kept reading, drinking in every word like a drowning man.

_“But, this year has taught me so much. And I realized that there was so much wasted time where I could have just been with you. At every point, it’s never been easy for us. I hate that._

He muttered to himself, "As do I, Detective.." 

_I hate that, because it’s so easy to love you, Lucifer. And thinking of all our time as the past, every day, I still can’t believe how we never happened. And please don’t misunderstand, I’m not mad. I know why you did what you did and I am so impressed by how far you’ve come._

_Nothing much here has changed, and I’m sure Amenadiel has told you all the updates. I don’t have a new partner yet... and I’m not sure if that will make you happy or upset honestly, but it’s still too hard to put someone else in your spot (just so you know, no one could ever truly replace you) so for now, I’ve been working some of the less dangerous cases. But other than that, it’s been more of the same._

_Well, I guess that’s not true either. I guess that I have changed. I finally know what I want. What I _desire_. And I know that more than I ever have in my life. My greatest desire, is you._

_I understand if that’s impossible. But, I wanted you to know._

_You’ve actually met Shakespeare so I’m sure that this was a nightmare to read, but, thank you for reading it._

_Yours,_

_Chloe”_

Lucifer sat in stunned silence, reading the letter over and over again. His eyes watered every time as he read those declarations.

_“It’s so easy to love you”_

_“My greatest desire, is you.”_

_“Yours...”_

After he calmed down, he set the letter down on the desk for a few minutes. Contemplating.

It felt like a bad decision.

He shouldn’t.

It’s ridiculous.

He grabbed his own parchment from his desk and a quill pen and ink.


End file.
